As I lay awake staring at the ceiling, I wonder, ‘why me?’ I have stared at that ceiling over a thousand times. Over the past 36 years. “I can’t fall asleep,” I tell myself. Not yet!
I scream in frustration. My eyes are tired but not yet. I check my blood sugar and it’s still low. What was it? What did I do? Does it matter at this point?
I have lived with diabetes since I was six years old. I was diagnosed on my birthday in 1977. Happy birthday! Right? I have dealt with this line of thinking way too many times and have come to some answers.
So, let’s get down to business! After all, I am in the business of helping people with diabetes thrive and you don’t need to listen to my problems. Let’s see if we can help you with yours?
Night Time Highs & Lows
You can be up for hours on end, waiting for it to return to normal! Here is a really messed up part if you choose to go back to bed after taking a correction injection. You won’t sleep as soundly and it will take twice as long for the blood sugar to come down, due to increased insulin resistance and lower metabolism.
I rather prefer nighttime lows compared to highs. You get up and take some fast acting glucose and within an hour’s time I am back in bed asleep. It still doesn’t mean I am not angry with myself. That is the problem.
Many times in life we are sad about something but instead of feeling sad we lash out in anger at others, ourselves our illness. Why? Well, Feeling hurt and sad is a bummer. Psychologically we would rather get angry and be able to deny our feelings of sadness.
It’s easier to project anger onto something, someone, or even the diabetes itself, than deal with our sadness and living with this illness and think others “have it easy.”
We actually don’t know if others have it easy, but we say it to ourselves, nonetheless. That haunting inner voice can demolish self-esteem, especially at night when we are tired and our defenses are down.
So how do we fight the guilt ridden inner voice and stop it’s evil ways? Here are some helpful hints.
Blaming the diabetes is like blaming the president that you lost your job. Nothing changes! You are still out of work and have to look for a new job. You can control your work performance, but everything else is beyond your control. You can manage your diabetes, but everything else is out of your control. So blaming doesn’t help. The ugly truth is that blaming actually causes increased negative emotions that will raise your blood sugars.
If you work at managing your diabetes then, blaming yourself is self-destructive and will only make your life more difficult.
If you are not presently managing your diabetes well, please seek help from a Certified Diabetes Educator or mental health professional. Your life actually depends on it.
The absolute truth to being happier when living with diabetes is to realize that you can’t control for everything or do it alone.
In the end, does it matter what caused the high or low that is keeping you up at night? Just take care of it and go back to bed.
Good Night & Pleasant Dreams!